Author: M.K Vindictiv

Series: What If

First Published: 31 December 2024

“I want a home, Tilly, and I only feel home when I’m with you.”  

I will start by saying that I was given an ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. These opinions are my own. Thank you so much to M.K Vindictiv for sending a copy my way!

OTHELIA

One phone call.

With those few words, my entire world crumbled into a million pieces, never to be whole again.

The spotlight fades away, and I am plunged into a reality I had never imagined, returning to a city that holds memories I thought I had left behind.

And then there’s him…

There’s a darkness behind his stormy eyes that mirrors the soul-deep ache within me. His silent kindness and the intensity of his gaze draw me in, making it impossible to stay away.

How can the one person who brings my heart back to life with each touch, also be the one who plans to leave at the end of the season?

ROOK

One more year.

One more team and then I can be back where she needs me the most.

Train hard. Play harder. Keep my head down and make myself the best defenseman the Chicago Hellhounds have ever seen. I have a plan and I just need to see it through.

And then there’s her…

The breathtaking, silver-haired siren I can’t seem to get out of my head.

I try to ignore her, but when I see her struggling, I can’t help but step in.

One season is all I have to give, but I have a feeling that with Othelia James, one season won’t be nearly enough.

How do you move on when you never got to say goodbye? How are you supposed to pick up the pieces when your life will never be the same?

It has been a while since a romance book emotionally wrecked me like If I Would Have Known has. This book tore out my heart and left me trying to read through my tears before healing it with one of the most romantic endings. I adore that we have a rockstar heroine and a hockey hero. Honestly, I enjoyed everything about this.

Othelia “Tilly” James is living her wildest dreams. She’s the front woman to one of the world’s top metal bands. She has the life that everyone wants—the job, looks and the dreamy boyfriend. And it is perfect. Unless you look closer, then everything starts to crumble. She finds her boyfriend has been cheating on her and using her high profile to further his own career. Heartbroken, Tilly leaves the tour and heads to Chicago to visit her brother, Rian and her pregnant best friend, Sloane. The couple gives her the time to lick her wounds and find her confidence to take on the world. All too soon, the world comes calling. Tilly leaves her happy place to head back on tour. One tragedy in the form of a phone call shatters Tilly’s world—she’s lost one of the most important people in her life. She abandons the tour and goes back to Chicago to be there for her brother. She struggles to help support her family while also dealing with her grief. Tilly might find comfort in Rook—the broody defenseman and newest transfer to Rian’s hockey team—but only if he can finally stop running from his own demons and heal.

The depiction of grief here is raw and honest. I couldn’t help but grieve alongside Tilly and Rook. It has a way of creeping up on you and stealing your breath. Tilly’s world has shifted after a single phone call changed everything. She’s left behind her rockstar lifestyle to be with her family. It was beautiful how there was this bittersweet sadness when Tilly and Rian reminisced over those happy moments.

While Tilly is grieving a current situation, Rook is slowly healing from childhood trauma. His father was abusive and spent years after he and his mother left stalking them. Unfortunately, while at an away game, his father found his mother and brutally attacked her, leaving her disabled. Rook’s father left a note stating that he was to blame. The guilt has been eating Rook for years. Rook has pushed everyone away, even his teammates. His only focus is on protecting his mother. It was a joy to see these two open up to each other and be the safe space so the other person could heal.

This is a serious slow burn. I was here for every second. Tilly and Rook are two broken people just trying to survive in any way they can. They don’t always get it right and can quickly pull back when things get serious, but they communicate. And it’s beautiful. I appreciate how Rook owns up to any mistakes, takes ownership, apologizes and does everything in his power to show Tilly he is 100% in this. These two have a grumpy/sunshine dynamic going on. Tilly is endlessly looking for the best in people and then we have Rook, who is grumpy but is secretly a cinnamon roll only for her. I will never not get enough of this trope. The ending was beautiful! It made me giddy. I can 100% see these two being together forever.

We all know I am super picky about characters’ professions being included in books, especially highly competitive careers like musicians and hockey players. I’m happy to say that If I Would Have Known includes many hockey matches, training sessions, travel, interviews, writing sessions, and gigs.

These characters have wormed their way into my heart. I will 100% be rereading If I Would Have Known. I have my fingers and toes crossed that we will get another book set in this world, maybe one that features Tilly’s brother, Rian, or Jericho. If you love a romance that packs an emotional punch, I highly recommend picking this one up.